Just another day...

So here I sit in front of my computer at work. I can't tell you how many times I've searched the internet during my lunch break for a new job. That's pretty bad, huh?

I've worked here for 5+ years, but I don't see myself going anywhere. I only got through on year of college, so it's not like I have a degree or anything...what company will give out a high paying job to someone who doesn't have a degree? Sometimes I talk myself out of a new job opportunity because I'm too comfortable here. I know what I'm doing here and going out to the big world of jobs means that I would have to learn something new! (scary)

I love the location of my workplace now. It's in the same town as my kids' school, as well as where my littlest goes to daycare. What would happen if I got a job in downtown Minneapolis? What if one of the kids got sick at school and I wasn't there to pick them up right then and there? My husband said not to worry, that he would be able to take care of it. Why do I think only I can take care of the kids when they're sick? Who put that in my head that I'm responsible for all that stuff? Probably me.

I was a single mom for 3 years after my divorce. I lived with my parents for a year to help me get on my feet. I relied on them a lot during that year. Finally I got a job and was able to work evenings when they were home so I wouldn't have to pay for a babysitter. When we finally got a place of our own, it was nice, but it was hard also. New daycare for the boys, new commute to work, no one there to hear about my day or tell me everything's going to be alright. It was hard. It was damn hard and I did it on my own. I have to believe I did a good enough job. That time with them was so special - I never wanted to let them go. Even when their biological father was in the picture, it wasn't consistent and I didn't want to put them through another loss, so I told him that was enough.

Now when they get sick, or something happens at school, I'm usually the one to go get them, to comfort them. Sure, Collin can take care of them, but for some reason I feel like he can't do it as well as me. That's crazy...really, it is and I need to get over it!

So here I sit...writing my FIRST EVER blog entry...hoping to get some feelings out that I can't verbally. So here I sit in front of my computer at work.